hey! just a quick note:

This page requires a bit of a trigger warning, as I mentioned in my about me section I am Bipolar with adhd along with a quite honestly too long list of other disorders. Part of the reason I made this site, and specifically this page, was to work through mental health struggles that I for whatever reason can't workout with other people. I hope that in sharing my own experence and struggles someone out there can see it and know that theyre not alone, and maybe offer advice as I work out my own issues. Having said that, I plan on covering alot of topics on this page including struggles with addiction, self harm, family conflict and a bunch of others I can't seem to think of at the moment. If those kind of topics are upsetting/triggering for you I suggest clicking off this page, I don't plan on putting much of those subjects within the rest of my site but be warned they might be mentioned

Friday,September 4th,2026

Thurday,September 3rd,2026

Today has been really hard, I have so much that I need to do but I can't seem to find the motivation to get through any of them.

I had big plans at the start of the week to finish cleaning my room but it feels like the longer I work on it the less I want to do it. Right now the biggest struggle for me to work through is cleaning out under my bed, first of all becasue it's just a huge mess, there's so much under there and it does nothing but put me in an even worse mood to look at.
The second issue, and possibly the biggest, is that my matress frame is broke, making it impossible for me to set up my matress while I look under it, not to mention uncomfortable to lie on when it's sitting flat. obv this isn't the only room cleaning task that I have but it is by far the worst and the thing that's taking me the longest to get through

Outside of my room cleaning struggles i've been super stressed about starting classes up next week. For context, me and school have historically never mixed well and collage has been no exeption, I think about dropping out at least twice a week, not cause I don't want to graduate, but because no matter how hard I try I always seem to get in my own way and find a way to fail.

This term I have three classes and I really want to do well and prove to both myself and those around me that I am capable of completing a semester with a good grade. Having said that I can't help but wonder if this is going to end like all the others have, that I'm going to yet again fail and prove that I really am a failur

I think the worst part however, isn't either of those things, It's how I'm feeling about myself.
I've always struggled to take care of myself, no matter what i've tried in the past i've never been able to find a routine that I can easily stick with. As a result of this I've never been good at self care, even basic things like brushing my teeth have always been far more difficult to manage than i'm proud to admit.
These kind of things take over my life sometimes, having this thought in the back of my head that unlike most people I can't do seemingly basic tasks really takes down the small remainder of self confidance I have left.Often I find myself feeling seprete from the rest of humanity, like I just can't manage to fit in with the people around me no matter how hard I try to blend in, it makes me wonder if the people around me can see it too, if they know that something is wrong with me